I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
