Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
