i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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