This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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