He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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