I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
