do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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