I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
