FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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