Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
