if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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