Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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