Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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