Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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