Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
