Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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