p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize