he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
