Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
