Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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