we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
