I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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