Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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