dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
