just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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