I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
