I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
