My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
