The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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