I want to stick my p in your. b.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just want to make out with him forever
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
