speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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