So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
