just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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