I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
