he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize