so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
