she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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