You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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