I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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