I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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