So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
