sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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