im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
