He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
