We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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