if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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