I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
