Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
