dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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