how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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