I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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