He disabled his match.com account in front of me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
