Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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