Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
