All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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