I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
