I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
