you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
