It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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