her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
